The 4 Stages of ‘Unshakeable’ Confidence in Public Speaking
Ed Darling
7 min read
What you’ll learn:
- The importance of your self-image.
- The four stages of public speaking confidence.
- How to take the journey to unshakeable confidence.
The journey to speaking with confidence.
When you lack confidence in public speaking, the idea of presenting to a group feels like a one-way ticket to social embarrasment.
But far from being something to avoid at all costs, I’m here to tell you that facing your public speaking fears is actually the surest path to building unshakeable confidence.
As a public speaking coach, I’ve seen it many times:
Shy, nervous and self-conscious people, transforming into the most positive, outgoing and successful versions of themselves. All through the self-esteem boosting powers of public speaking.
But if you’d rather fake your own death than deliver that presentation, how does forcing yourself into your worst nightmare lead to more confidence?
In this article we’ll explain the four stages involved.
By the end, you’ll be inspired to begin your journey towards public speaking confidence.
Understanding your current self-image.
We each hold a collection of subconscious opinions about ourselves.
Some of these opinions are positive and encouraging, others negative and self-defeating. They are the result of our life experiences up to this date:
- Were you the popular kid at school, or were you bullied?
- Were you praised as the golden-child, or outshined by a sibling?
- Were you taught to prioritise strength, or safety?
Our self-image is the sum-total of these thoughts and beliefs, bundled up into an assortment of handy soundbites:
“I’m just not someone who people listen to” 🙁
It can sometimes feel like confidence is a set value – a card we’re dealt. But like tectonic plates shifting under our feet, the foundations of our self-confidence constantly rumble. As you begin practising public speaking, interesting changes start to occur below the surface.
Let’s take a look at how this process begins.
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Stage 1: I’m a nervous wreck with zero confidence and nothing to say.
When starting out, most people feel unprepared to speak in public.
Which makes complete sense.
Because unless you were fortunate enough to attend a school ‘debating club’ or have drama classes from a young age, most of us grow up with very little experience or training in how to perform in public.
Meaning your “first speech” is often accompanied by sleepless nights, and visions of social catastrophe:
You see the disappointed faces of your seniors, all staring back at you awkwardly; your legs begin to wobble as the sinking realisation dawns that you’ve lost the ability to speak…
Okay, let’s pause it there!
The truth is, some nerves and anxiety are to be expected in your attempts at public speaking. That’s completely normal. But it’s never as embarrassing as you imagine, and your audience is never as judgemental as we fear.
However good or bad your first speech attempt goes, it leads to the next evolution of your confidence in public speaking.
Stage 2: I'm still shaky, but at I have the courage to stand up and speak.
As you recover from the shock of your first public speaking experience, you begin to feel slightly different.
There’s a touch of excitement alongside the nervous adrenaline.
You become like the kid in the theme-park who after screaming their way around the roller-coaster, immediately wants to jump back on.
It also affirms a powerful new thought about yourself:
That you are the type of person who steps up to the challenge, and acts courageously in the face of fear.
This makes your next experience that-bit easier, and with every step taken beyond your comfort-zone, your confidence and skillset begins to slowly expand.
After a few more attempts at standing up to speak, you find yourself confidence in public speaking reaching stage three.
Stage 3: Public speaking is a skill to be learned, I'm enjoying the process.
By now, the worst of your anxiety has subsided – and at least part of you begins to enjoy the act of expressing yourself.
After picking up the fundamentals and ideally getting some feedback or training, you now have a solid grasp of the different skills that underlie effective communication.
Instead of blind panic, public speaking becomes a fun challenge: The objective being to engage your audience by using your words, voice and body-language to their best ability.
At this point you begin to worry less about how you’re being perceived, and focus more on the impact you’re having on the audience.
It’s the difference between:
Speaking to “get” (praise, approval, recognition).
and
Speaking to “give” (insight, inspiration, encouragement).
Upon reaching Stage 3, people around you begin to recognise your new-found confidence in public speaking.
You may find that your personal and professional relationships improve, your professional credibility grows, and opportunities for leadership begin to appear.
For some people, reaching this level is enough to satisfy their ambitions.
But for other people, a final stage of public speaking confidence beckons.
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Stage 4: Confidence in public speaking is my superpower.
Once you’ve reached stage four, you’re a life-long public speaker.
You’ve mastered the craft of communication and are viewed as a thought-leader in your industry or profession. You’ve likely invested in further training to hone your skills, and now set your sights on ever-greater challenges.
Perhaps you’ll be paid to deliver keynotes as a sought-after speaker, share your ideas on panels or podcasts, or even endeavour to stand on the stage at TED.
However you wish to utilise your speaking super-powers from here on, you understand that all great speakers were built, not born.
You’ve taken a path that led far beyond the safety of your comfort-zone, and overcome many challenges along the way. Your self-confidence now arises from a deep and authentic place within, and your very being inspires others to the same journey.
Take the journey to unshakeable confidence in public speaking.
So there you have it: the journey to unshakeable confidence in public speaking.
While I can’t promise it will be all plain-sailing, I can promise that no matter how nervous, fearful or lacking in confidence you currently feel, the pathway of public speaking is open to everyone.
It offers a powerful and predictable route to self-development. Improving not only your self-confidence and communication skills, but also your ability to listen, to teach, to lead and to inspire others.
It’s a path that I embarked on myself many years ago.
Doing so enabled me to overcome severe social anxiety, perform in front of hundreds of audiences, and to start a business doing what I love: helping others to find their charisma when speaking.
The only question left is – are you ready to join the adventure?